I don't love being a mom but I'm not hiding in the pantry.
I love my daughter with my entire being and in the deepest recesses of my soul.
And after miscarriages, failed IVFs and being told that using a donor egg would likely be the only way we would have a successful pregnancy, I think about how lucky and grateful I am for having her on almost a daily basis.
But that still doesn’t change the fact that the job of raising my little human is not a job I particularly enjoy.
I was confronted with this reality hard this past week while we were away on a family vacation. It was the hardest week I’ve had with her since I was in the throes of post-partum depression during the first 6 months of her life.
I don’t know if it’s that she is 2 and testing the boundaries of her independence or that she was out of her routine and environment or a combination of both, but wow, I did not enjoy being a full-time mom this week.
She was not listening, testing us like crazy, diaper changes were a nightmare, getting dressed was a challenge and don’t even get me started on the temper tantrums when we wouldn't let her put an entire box of band-aids all over her body.
And then the guilt I felt for the fact I felt this way…well, that was the cherry on top.
I’m sharing this because all of these really intense, uncomfortable, negative, ‘I’m a failure as a mom’ feelings happened even though I'm happy with the number that pops up when I step on the scale.
We spend so much time thinking that when we get to our goal weight we will be so happy that all the problems and stresses we have now won’t matter as much then.
And because we think life at our goal weight will feel so much different than our life now, we are in a huge rush to get there.
So we do things like cut out bread and potatoes, eat only salads, buy diet pills, spend crazy money on pre-packaged food, and compulsively exercise.
But here’s the thing, your kid will still refuse to clean up after himself. Your a-hole boss will be still an a-hole. The communication problems you have with your partner will still be there. And your toddler will still be throwing tantrums.
And all those things don’t feel any less crappy or stressful because you’re facing them in a smaller body.
Most of us are overweight because we eat as an emotional response.
We’ve learned to eat in response to stress.
We’ve learned to eat in response to sadness.
We’ve learned to eat as a form of comfort.
So to lose weight and not gain it back we have to learn how to experience negative emotion without eating our way through it.
That’s how I got through this week without burying my head in the pantry and eating the red velvet chips ahoy cookies my niece bought.
I didn’t learn how to do that from the Keto, paleo, or south beach diet.
I was able to do it because I learned how to manage my mind and worked just as hard on losing my mental weight as I was losing my physical weight.
Before you start cutting out food groups, paying for pre-packaged food or eating only during prescribed hours, please think about if the plan you are considering will help you learn how to manage your stress, anger, and anxiety without eating your way through it.
If the answer is no, please think twice.
And also know I'm here and I know how to help. Losing weight with me changes everything. If you're ready to get it done, email me here.